I'm Not A Hater But I'm Human

I'm not a hater but I'm human and sometimes the green eyed monster perches on my shoulder, whisper in my ear and makes me feel some type of way. ENVY. A word that is defined as a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck. We all feel it, we can't help it, but we can manage it. Ya girl used to be PLAGUED with envy. My ego was so swollen and misguided I felt like I needed all the praise for everything. If I didn't get it I didn't feel valued or validated and I longed for things others had because I thought it would fill the void inside of me. 


I made myself miserable harping on what I didn't have. I couldn't be present and couldn't be grateful, because I was always seeking the next accomplishment or comparing myself to others. I was even more tortured because I knew I was wrong but couldnt stop my feelings. I tried to supress them which ended up exascerbating them even more. It wasnt until I began to love and accept myself did I get a handle on my envy. I had to accept that I care about image and validation and that doesn't have to be a bad thing. I had to admit that deep down I didn't believe I was worthy of the happiness, which is why I was so jealous of everyone who had it. I learned to feel and express my feelings even when they weren't postivie. I learned to use envy as motivation to be better. I got closer to God and closer to myself, and I healed the holes in my heart. I still feel green every now and then but when those voices arise, I kindly tell them there's no use for them here. Check out my tips for managing envy below. 



1. Talk to God

-When I feel jealous of someone I immediately pray about it. We speak candidly about what I'm feeling and he reminds me that they are his child just like I am. Just because he blessed them doesn't mean he won't bless me. He reminds me that I'm not forgotten. 

2. Getcha self together don't hate. 

-Keri Hilson struck gold when she wrote this in Pretty Girl Rock. Instead of attaching to negative thoughts, use that thing you envy about someone as motivation. You likely envy said thing because you think you can't acheive it and thats just not true. We all have the ability to do great things with the right investment of time and work. Find that thing that makes you green and learn how to create it for yourself. Let people know they inspire you and ask them how they got there. Chances are they feel the same way as we all lack someway. 

3. Say it out loud. 

-Express how you feel, period. I used to be so terrified of expressing negative feelings as I wanted to be percieved as a good person. I supressed all my negative emotions and let me tell you that was the best way to PROLONG them. Sometimes you just gotta say it out loud. "I'm upset!" Once you acknowledge your feelings you can make a real plan for managing them. Sometimes I talk to a trusted friend, sometimes I talk to myself. Most times I'm feeling petty and I talk to my diary or jesus cause I don't want to put negativity into the universe. 

4. Count Your Blessings

-This is the fourth and final step. Be grateful for who you are, what you have, and where your at! Your journey is handcrafted just for you. Literally no one can walk your walk. You've racked up a miriad or experiences, seen so many faces, places, and spaces that no one else has. You have a story only you can tell and if you refelct long enough I'm sure you'll see you don't want to be anyone else but you. 

"Today you are you, this is truer than true. There is no one in the world who is you-er than you." -Dr. Suess



Malon Murphy1 Comment